I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
