We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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