I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize