Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
