I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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