see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
