he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
