wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
