Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just pee around me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
