i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
