can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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