If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
