Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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