So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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