Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
