Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
