Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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