Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
