Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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