Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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