haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
