just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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