That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
