living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
