it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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