I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
