drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
