This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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