Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just tell him i said nine months
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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