he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
