Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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