I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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