Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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