At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
