I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
