Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?