I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.