It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.