I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
