By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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