Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
