Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
