Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
