thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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