I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
