i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
