I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
