She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
