these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
