He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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