smell my finger.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I love you. Go after that dick
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
