It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
