Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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