You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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