You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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