You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
