After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
