if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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