by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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