He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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