we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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