last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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