we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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